FIREFIGHTER’S WORDS -333- WORDS FROM AN EMT
PART IV
Recalling other calls in my time, such as lost pregnancies where fetal tissue was discarded or left on a bed, or in a toilet. I can remember calls where crack addicted fetus’ were discarded because the mother never knew she was pregnant, or knew and but never stopped her habit and never received pre-natal care. I can remember being called to the home of a woman who just lost her 20 year old son in a vehicle accident. She was a non- English speaking lady, sitting in her hallway surrounded by State Troopers. I have witnessed several senseless deaths in facilities where people are in the care of healthcare providers and have been mistreated or not treated.
I can remember going on cardiac arrest calls where a man my own age stood up to get a drink and dropped dead. The helpless feeling of having a viable person die in your hands is not a comforting feeling at all. I remember a young girl that died at home after a short simple illness, a child pulled from a pool in cardiac arrest only to die in the arms of strangers. I remember pulling up to a young child struck by a car, seeing her lifeless body in the street. I can remember losing it after giving a report and calling home to my children and thanking God that they are ok.
Responding to fatal accidents, covering bodies with a white sheets, while the family is notified of the passing of their loved one. We have to leave situations like that and go back to quarters and fall asleep. I often wonder what gives us the ability to do this? What is the long term effect on us? It has left me with several emotions and personality traits that I don’t care to have, I don’t care to feel and I just simply don’t want. Will any of us be able to forget? Should we forget? If we do forget, will that be ok? What will happen to me when I am done with my career? Will I ever be the same?
